peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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