FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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