Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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