Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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