She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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