He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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