shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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