I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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