Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
