I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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