we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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