Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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