My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
