the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
