too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
BRING THE BAGELS
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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