it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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