This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
