is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
