if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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