don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
