Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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