It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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