I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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