I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
