At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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