Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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