foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
