That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
