omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
