i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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