you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
