Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
