I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
