His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
