I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
