i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
