Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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