i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
