Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
