ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
