And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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