I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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