I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
