that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
