Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
