sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
