Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
