One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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