i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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