U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
