My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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