I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
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You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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