If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I will be naked everywhere
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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