I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize