God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Houston, we have a blender
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask