remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
this boner is exhausting
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
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Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.