I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
