Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.