omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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