my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
