you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?