Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
