Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"