I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me