I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
