I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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