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Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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