no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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