Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
