i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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