if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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