sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
