all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i think my cat just said my name.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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