i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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