you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize