READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
