watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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