OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just had sex bonerless
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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